1 00:00:01,084 --> 00:00:02,961 [♪ Acoustic guitar playing] 2 00:00:09,676 --> 00:00:10,760 [tab clicks] 3 00:00:10,761 --> 00:00:13,931 [♪ "Yahoos and Triangles" by The Refreshments playing] 4 00:00:26,902 --> 00:00:29,154 ♪ 5 00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:37,037 [♪ theme song concludes] 6 00:00:38,205 --> 00:00:40,498 [♪ light violin music playing] 7 00:00:40,499 --> 00:00:42,251 [glass door rattling] 8 00:00:43,210 --> 00:00:45,294 - What in the world? - [button chiming] 9 00:00:45,295 --> 00:00:46,879 [announcer] A Mega Lo Mart team member 10 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:48,340 will be with you shortly. 11 00:00:49,424 --> 00:00:52,510 - [♪ light guitar music playing] - [Hank sighs] 12 00:00:52,511 --> 00:00:55,556 [announcer] A Mega Lo Mart team member will be with you shortly. 13 00:00:59,643 --> 00:01:02,395 - [sighs] - [worker] Can I help you? 14 00:01:02,396 --> 00:01:04,105 [groaning] 15 00:01:04,106 --> 00:01:05,606 I need toothpaste. 16 00:01:05,607 --> 00:01:06,608 [keys jingling] 17 00:01:06,942 --> 00:01:09,318 Uh, this one? Nope. 18 00:01:09,319 --> 00:01:11,070 That one? 19 00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:12,990 Nope, maybe... 20 00:01:14,199 --> 00:01:16,785 You wanna try the one that says "toothpaste"? 21 00:01:18,036 --> 00:01:19,580 - [lock clicking] - Huh. 22 00:01:21,748 --> 00:01:23,874 Is all this really necessary? 23 00:01:23,875 --> 00:01:25,751 If I wanted to steal toothpaste, 24 00:01:25,752 --> 00:01:28,338 I'd just do it after you unlocked the glass for me. 25 00:01:29,339 --> 00:01:32,383 Can we get security to escort an item to the register? 26 00:01:32,384 --> 00:01:34,885 This is hell. 27 00:01:34,886 --> 00:01:37,889 - [♪ Upbeat guitar music playing] - [dogs barking] 28 00:01:40,517 --> 00:01:42,810 Hank, I am in love! 29 00:01:42,811 --> 00:01:46,272 I love you too, Peggy, but keep your voice down. 30 00:01:46,273 --> 00:01:50,109 - We're in public. - I am not talking about you, Hank. 31 00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:51,945 I am talking about him. 32 00:01:52,863 --> 00:01:57,158 - [Hank Hill] That's a dog? - Ah, I gather you've met Caesar Salad. 33 00:01:57,159 --> 00:01:58,993 He's a two-year-old mixed breed. 34 00:01:58,994 --> 00:02:01,912 - Isn't he cute, Hank? - He looks ill. 35 00:02:01,913 --> 00:02:04,123 I assure you, he's perfectly healthy, 36 00:02:04,124 --> 00:02:06,543 aside from the conditions listed on the card. 37 00:02:07,544 --> 00:02:11,297 "Anxiety, depression, sun sensitivity." 38 00:02:11,298 --> 00:02:13,716 "Afraid of potted plants"? 39 00:02:13,717 --> 00:02:17,053 Would you be interested in fostering Caesar for a few weeks? 40 00:02:17,054 --> 00:02:19,847 Just until we can find him a permanent owner? 41 00:02:24,936 --> 00:02:27,605 Uh, I suppose that's one way of looking at it. 42 00:02:27,606 --> 00:02:31,609 I come in, I teach him a few tricks, turn his life around, 43 00:02:31,610 --> 00:02:34,487 and send him off into the brave new world. 44 00:02:34,488 --> 00:02:37,365 This is what Peggy Hill was born to do. 45 00:02:37,366 --> 00:02:39,033 What do you think, Hank? 46 00:02:39,034 --> 00:02:41,535 "Hostile towards shadows"? 47 00:02:41,536 --> 00:02:43,829 Dear God, there's a second card. 48 00:02:43,830 --> 00:02:46,999 It's only temporary, honey, and I will do all the work, 49 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:49,586 and you will not have to lift a finger, Hank. 50 00:02:50,837 --> 00:02:52,713 - Well... - Great! It's settled. 51 00:02:52,714 --> 00:02:54,423 I'll draw up the paperwork. 52 00:02:54,424 --> 00:02:57,176 In the meantime, here is a list of everything Caesar needs. 53 00:02:57,177 --> 00:03:00,930 Probiotic dog food, stool softener, an orthopedic harness... 54 00:03:00,931 --> 00:03:03,057 [worker] Alright, this one? Nope. 55 00:03:03,058 --> 00:03:05,518 And that one? [Groaning] 56 00:03:05,519 --> 00:03:08,145 Yeah, maybe it's the one that says "toothpaste." 57 00:03:08,146 --> 00:03:09,230 [Hank groans] 58 00:03:09,231 --> 00:03:10,607 ♪ 59 00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:14,360 Now, I don't wanna get your hopes up, 60 00:03:14,361 --> 00:03:17,780 but I think I nailed it with your birthday present. 61 00:03:17,781 --> 00:03:20,449 I have been told I'm an excellent gift giver. 62 00:03:20,450 --> 00:03:23,369 Aw. Is gift-giving your love language? 63 00:03:23,370 --> 00:03:25,706 No. This is my love language. 64 00:03:26,415 --> 00:03:29,792 Connie, mon amour. Ma chérie. A la mode. 65 00:03:29,793 --> 00:03:31,669 [giggling] 66 00:03:31,670 --> 00:03:33,796 Thanks for coming home with me this weekend. 67 00:03:33,797 --> 00:03:37,466 I know things aren't the same with my folks since the divorce, 68 00:03:37,467 --> 00:03:40,803 but I'm looking forward to having a family dinner like we used to. 69 00:03:40,804 --> 00:03:43,013 Which I will be paying for. 70 00:03:43,014 --> 00:03:46,767 - Oh, Bobby, you don't have to do that. - I insist. 71 00:03:46,768 --> 00:03:49,437 Now that we're dating, it's important your parents know 72 00:03:49,438 --> 00:03:52,690 I'm not the same person I was when I was 10. 73 00:03:52,691 --> 00:03:55,443 I'm a man! I got my own business. 74 00:03:55,444 --> 00:03:57,111 I make my own money. 75 00:03:57,112 --> 00:03:58,946 I'm a man. 76 00:03:58,947 --> 00:04:00,531 You said that already. 77 00:04:00,532 --> 00:04:03,033 Well, men tend to repeat things. 78 00:04:03,034 --> 00:04:05,453 ♪ 79 00:04:05,454 --> 00:04:07,789 Connie, the birthday girl! 80 00:04:08,957 --> 00:04:12,710 Bag man, carry Connie's bags to the door and then be gone! 81 00:04:12,711 --> 00:04:15,337 She called me a man! 82 00:04:15,338 --> 00:04:18,215 Sure thing, Mrs. S. And I hope you're excited 83 00:04:18,216 --> 00:04:21,844 for Connie's big birthday dinner tomorrow, which is my treat. 84 00:04:21,845 --> 00:04:24,388 Looks like your treat is pudding, fat boy. 85 00:04:24,389 --> 00:04:26,725 And we're back to "boy." 86 00:04:27,392 --> 00:04:29,769 Dad's stuff is all gone from the garage. 87 00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:31,312 Did he move back in? 88 00:04:31,313 --> 00:04:35,524 No, I did not! I left, with my dignity intact! 89 00:04:35,525 --> 00:04:37,234 I kicked you out! 90 00:04:37,235 --> 00:04:39,904 You were crying so loud, I could hear it through the garage! 91 00:04:39,905 --> 00:04:44,366 I was reading a sad book called "our wedding album." 92 00:04:44,367 --> 00:04:45,910 Hey, we agreed! 93 00:04:45,911 --> 00:04:48,287 You stay on that side of the street! 94 00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:49,914 I don't understand. 95 00:04:49,915 --> 00:04:51,957 Dad, where do you live now? 96 00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:54,627 - [Bill Dauterive] With me! - [Kahn sighing] 97 00:04:54,628 --> 00:04:59,173 Yeah, we're just two single guys havin' a grand ol' time. 98 00:04:59,174 --> 00:05:02,218 No wives, just vibes. 99 00:05:02,219 --> 00:05:05,554 All are welcome... except wives. 100 00:05:05,555 --> 00:05:09,183 Connie isn't setting foot in your little divorce shack! 101 00:05:09,184 --> 00:05:12,895 Besides, according to the schedule, this is my time with her. 102 00:05:12,896 --> 00:05:14,063 What schedule? 103 00:05:14,064 --> 00:05:17,817 Your father and I have created a schedule for the weekend 104 00:05:17,818 --> 00:05:20,361 so that we can both spend time with you 105 00:05:20,362 --> 00:05:22,238 without having to spend time with each other. 106 00:05:22,239 --> 00:05:26,909 So, the idea of us all being together while I'm here is... 107 00:05:26,910 --> 00:05:29,495 Dead, like our marriage. 108 00:05:29,496 --> 00:05:31,789 [♪ Guitar strumming softly] 109 00:05:31,790 --> 00:05:35,793 I can't help but notice that there are now two birthday dinners, 110 00:05:35,794 --> 00:05:37,628 which I will gladly be paying for. 111 00:05:37,629 --> 00:05:41,131 Hey, just Connie's bags. You're not sleeping here. 112 00:05:41,132 --> 00:05:43,384 Mom, Bobby's my boyfriend. 113 00:05:43,385 --> 00:05:46,637 No, it's fine. I respect your rules, Mrs. S. 114 00:05:46,638 --> 00:05:48,931 I respect you, you respect me. 115 00:05:48,932 --> 00:05:50,057 [door slamming] 116 00:05:50,058 --> 00:05:51,976 Ha ha ha, Bobby Hill! 117 00:05:51,977 --> 00:05:53,227 ♪ 118 00:05:53,228 --> 00:05:55,563 Mom, Dad, I'm home! 119 00:05:55,564 --> 00:05:56,856 - [Caesar barking] - [Bobby yelling] 120 00:05:56,857 --> 00:05:59,400 - [Peggy Hill] Do not look him in the eye. - I already am! 121 00:05:59,401 --> 00:06:00,484 [Hank sighing] 122 00:06:00,485 --> 00:06:02,695 - I'll get the swaddling blanket. - [Caesar growling] 123 00:06:02,696 --> 00:06:04,238 Way to go, Bobby. 124 00:06:04,239 --> 00:06:06,448 [Bobby Hill] You didn't even tell me you got a new dog. 125 00:06:06,449 --> 00:06:08,909 We are just fostering him for a few weeks. 126 00:06:11,621 --> 00:06:14,957 A few weeks is all it takes to change a life. 127 00:06:14,958 --> 00:06:16,166 Watch this. 128 00:06:16,167 --> 00:06:17,752 Caesar, sit. 129 00:06:19,212 --> 00:06:21,214 [Caesar licking] 130 00:06:22,591 --> 00:06:26,343 Boy, he's really going to town. [Chuckles] 131 00:06:26,344 --> 00:06:28,387 I remember it took Lady Bird a long time to... 132 00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:30,097 Oh, he's nothing like Lady Bird. 133 00:06:30,098 --> 00:06:32,850 I'm not even convinced he's a dog. 134 00:06:32,851 --> 00:06:35,644 It's like someone put a collar on a possum. 135 00:06:35,645 --> 00:06:38,231 Aw, he's not so bad. 136 00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:41,150 See? He likes me. 137 00:06:41,151 --> 00:06:42,651 Oh, good. Hold him tight. 138 00:06:42,652 --> 00:06:45,529 We need to give Caesar his pills, and his inhaler, 139 00:06:45,530 --> 00:06:48,574 - and his insulin. - That's okay, boy. 140 00:06:48,575 --> 00:06:51,035 I used to hate when they gave me medicine, too. 141 00:06:51,036 --> 00:06:54,705 But if you keep still, you might get a toaster strudel. 142 00:06:54,706 --> 00:06:56,165 [Caesar whimpering] 143 00:06:56,166 --> 00:06:59,251 I think Caesar needs to use the bathroom. 144 00:06:59,252 --> 00:07:02,087 He's leaking a bit. Hank, can you take him out? 145 00:07:02,088 --> 00:07:05,424 Now? But the guys are in the alley. 146 00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:07,092 They'll have a field day. 147 00:07:07,093 --> 00:07:09,845 How 'bout you take him? You're the one fostering him. 148 00:07:09,846 --> 00:07:13,766 I need to prepare his ointment so that I can express Caesar's anal glands. 149 00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:16,226 - [glove snapping] - Unless you would rather do that. 150 00:07:16,227 --> 00:07:18,563 ♪ 151 00:07:21,650 --> 00:07:24,485 Boy, that dog's got some bladder on it. 152 00:07:24,486 --> 00:07:26,654 Why is the dog wearing shoes, Hank? 153 00:07:26,655 --> 00:07:31,116 They're, uh, booties for his sensitive pads. 154 00:07:31,117 --> 00:07:33,035 Uh-huh. And the umbrella? 155 00:07:33,036 --> 00:07:37,665 He's got solar dermatitis, so he can't be in direct sunlight. 156 00:07:37,666 --> 00:07:39,918 Right. And what's the dog's name? 157 00:07:40,752 --> 00:07:43,295 - Caesar Salad. - [friends laughing] 158 00:07:43,296 --> 00:07:46,298 - Hank's dog is a vegetable! - [Boomhauer] Mm-hmm. 159 00:07:46,299 --> 00:07:49,301 He's not a vegetable, and he's not my dog. 160 00:07:49,302 --> 00:07:51,637 We're fostering it for a few weeks. 161 00:07:51,638 --> 00:07:54,306 At this rate, maybe even a few days. 162 00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:56,892 Ha, Hank Hill is holding an umbrella for a dog. 163 00:07:56,893 --> 00:07:58,811 Your life is falling apart. 164 00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:01,146 - Aren't you livin' with Bill? - No. 165 00:08:01,147 --> 00:08:04,566 Bill's living with me, at Bill's house. 166 00:08:04,567 --> 00:08:07,569 Kahn, you sound troubled. 167 00:08:07,570 --> 00:08:09,697 - Tough day? - Yes. 168 00:08:09,698 --> 00:08:12,741 I'm upset because Minh basically gets Connie the whole weekend. 169 00:08:12,742 --> 00:08:14,868 - Stupid schedule. - [shushing] 170 00:08:14,869 --> 00:08:18,038 There, there. Deep breaths, Kahn. 171 00:08:18,039 --> 00:08:21,208 - [both inhale deeply] - Don't let Minh push your buttons. 172 00:08:21,209 --> 00:08:24,044 - That's what she wants. - I know. 173 00:08:24,045 --> 00:08:27,131 Now, how 'bout we go home, I make us some dinner, 174 00:08:27,132 --> 00:08:30,968 - maybe draw a bath? - With extra bubbles? 175 00:08:30,969 --> 00:08:32,970 Let's start with the normal amount of bubbles, 176 00:08:32,971 --> 00:08:35,264 and... and then we'll go from there. 177 00:08:35,265 --> 00:08:37,933 Oh, man, talkin' 'bout dang ol' strange bedfellows. 178 00:08:37,934 --> 00:08:39,060 [shuddering] 179 00:08:39,769 --> 00:08:42,688 Good news. I got us a second reservation 180 00:08:42,689 --> 00:08:44,314 for the dinner with your dad. 181 00:08:44,315 --> 00:08:47,276 It's at the best new restaurant in Arlen. 182 00:08:47,277 --> 00:08:50,320 Get this, the chef is blind. 183 00:08:50,321 --> 00:08:54,908 The presentation is awful, but the food is delicious. 184 00:08:54,909 --> 00:08:57,911 Ugh, I kinda hate my parents right now. 185 00:08:57,912 --> 00:09:00,831 My mom spent all day complaining about my dad, 186 00:09:00,832 --> 00:09:04,293 and my dad keeps texting me bad "yo mama" jokes. 187 00:09:04,294 --> 00:09:06,879 I just wanted to have a chill birthday. 188 00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:09,173 Forget your parents. I'm gonna make sure 189 00:09:09,174 --> 00:09:11,300 you have the best birthday ever. 190 00:09:11,301 --> 00:09:14,094 Ooh, I like the sound of that. 191 00:09:14,095 --> 00:09:15,512 What are you wearing? 192 00:09:15,513 --> 00:09:18,432 Uh, boxers and a giant T-shirt. 193 00:09:18,433 --> 00:09:21,477 Oh! I see. 194 00:09:21,478 --> 00:09:24,063 Remember when we were kids and you used to sneak out 195 00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:25,898 and climb through my window? 196 00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:29,943 Maybe you could come over and give me an early birthday present. 197 00:09:29,944 --> 00:09:32,071 That's really tempting, Connie. 198 00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:36,158 But your mom seems pretty firm about me not sleeping over. 199 00:09:36,159 --> 00:09:38,410 If she caught me sneakin' in, I doubt she'd be... 200 00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:40,496 [knocking] 201 00:09:40,497 --> 00:09:42,707 Never mind! That works! 202 00:09:44,542 --> 00:09:46,628 [Caesar snoring] 203 00:09:53,051 --> 00:09:56,762 Peggy, I think we need to have a conversation about this dog. 204 00:09:56,763 --> 00:09:59,598 I agree. Oh, Hank, I think we should keep him. 205 00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:00,682 What?! 206 00:10:00,683 --> 00:10:02,976 I know Caesar's a bit high maintenance, but... 207 00:10:02,977 --> 00:10:07,439 That's like sayin' military flyovers are just a bit patriotic. 208 00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:10,984 But it has been so wonderful having a dog in the house. 209 00:10:10,985 --> 00:10:13,403 I think we should take him back to the shelter. 210 00:10:13,404 --> 00:10:17,032 Let's not have this conversation in front of the D-O-G. 211 00:10:17,033 --> 00:10:19,368 For God's sakes, he doesn't understand English. 212 00:10:19,369 --> 00:10:22,663 Besides, he can barely hear us. He's half deaf. 213 00:10:22,664 --> 00:10:26,291 Caesar is an empath. He recognizes tone. 214 00:10:26,292 --> 00:10:28,294 [Caesar snoring] 215 00:10:31,422 --> 00:10:32,465 There you go. 216 00:10:33,466 --> 00:10:35,217 - [barking] - What are you barking at? 217 00:10:35,218 --> 00:10:36,927 I hid all the plants. 218 00:10:36,928 --> 00:10:38,095 [Caesar growling] 219 00:10:38,096 --> 00:10:39,596 [Bobby] Under here. [Chuckles] 220 00:10:39,597 --> 00:10:41,765 Great, now you woke up Bobby. 221 00:10:41,766 --> 00:10:43,433 Probably scared him, too. 222 00:10:43,434 --> 00:10:45,144 Sorry, Bobby, Caesar just... 223 00:10:45,145 --> 00:10:46,728 - Oh, my God. - [Bobby and Connie moaning] 224 00:10:46,729 --> 00:10:48,689 - Bwah! - [barking] 225 00:10:48,690 --> 00:10:49,983 Bwah! 226 00:10:51,734 --> 00:10:53,110 - [Caesar barking] - Dad! 227 00:10:53,111 --> 00:10:55,487 Connie and I were just... uh, wrestlin'. 228 00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:57,364 What's going on? I heard a commotion... 229 00:10:57,365 --> 00:10:58,657 Oh, good God in heaven! 230 00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:01,410 - Hello, Connie. - Hi, Mrs. Hill. 231 00:11:01,411 --> 00:11:03,996 Good to see you. How's college? 232 00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:07,833 Alright, alright. No need to be weird about this. 233 00:11:07,834 --> 00:11:10,169 Connie and I are both adults. 234 00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:12,547 We're dating. It's perfectly natural. 235 00:11:13,214 --> 00:11:16,425 Doing that with the door unlocked and the lights on? 236 00:11:16,426 --> 00:11:18,635 There's nothing natural about that. 237 00:11:18,636 --> 00:11:21,263 I can't believe you sold us out, dog. 238 00:11:21,264 --> 00:11:24,183 I saw you humpin' a couch cushion earlier 239 00:11:24,184 --> 00:11:26,059 and I kept my mouth shut. 240 00:11:26,060 --> 00:11:28,312 [Caesar growling and barking] 241 00:11:28,313 --> 00:11:30,147 Now, hold on a second. 242 00:11:30,148 --> 00:11:33,650 Caesar, were you barking because a stranger snuck into our house? 243 00:11:33,651 --> 00:11:36,069 - [panting] - Hey, alright. 244 00:11:36,070 --> 00:11:38,572 I guess you're a pretty good guard dog, huh? 245 00:11:38,573 --> 00:11:41,950 Will you hillbillies shut that dog up? 246 00:11:41,951 --> 00:11:44,495 - Connie?! - Oh, no. 247 00:11:45,121 --> 00:11:46,205 ♪ 248 00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:48,582 [Caesar growling and barking] 249 00:11:48,583 --> 00:11:50,250 - [Minh gasps] - [Hank] That's right, boy. 250 00:11:50,251 --> 00:11:51,919 Bark at that crazy stranger! 251 00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:55,088 - [Caesar growling] - Bobby Hill, put a shirt on and step away 252 00:11:55,089 --> 00:11:57,299 - from my precious daughter! - Okay. 253 00:11:57,300 --> 00:12:00,802 But let's all remember who's the real bad guy here. 254 00:12:00,803 --> 00:12:02,971 - The dog. - The dog wasn't the one 255 00:12:02,972 --> 00:12:06,892 engaging in amorous congress under my roof. 256 00:12:06,893 --> 00:12:09,645 It can't, because it has an inverted penis. 257 00:12:09,646 --> 00:12:11,063 What's all the fuss? 258 00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:12,648 - [Caesar growling] - Oh, good, more people. 259 00:12:12,649 --> 00:12:14,608 I caught your daughter 260 00:12:14,609 --> 00:12:18,570 participating in fatherless behavior with Bobby Hill. 261 00:12:18,571 --> 00:12:20,739 Bobby Hill, did you de-flower my daughter? 262 00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:23,992 No, sir! We didn't even get to doin' anything. 263 00:12:23,993 --> 00:12:26,495 We were just warming each other up. 264 00:12:26,496 --> 00:12:27,663 - Stop. - That's enough. 265 00:12:27,664 --> 00:12:28,830 - Ew! - Shut up, shut up! 266 00:12:28,831 --> 00:12:32,376 Okay, I can see that tensions are a little high right now. 267 00:12:32,377 --> 00:12:35,170 So, how about we all just get some sleep 268 00:12:35,171 --> 00:12:38,257 and talk about this over dinner tomorrow, 269 00:12:38,258 --> 00:12:40,467 which I'm paying for? 270 00:12:40,468 --> 00:12:43,053 Bobby, we are not having dinner with you. 271 00:12:43,054 --> 00:12:45,055 Come on, Connie. Let's go back home. 272 00:12:45,056 --> 00:12:47,641 No! All you've done since I've been home 273 00:12:47,642 --> 00:12:50,394 is complain about Dad and insult Bobby. 274 00:12:50,395 --> 00:12:52,021 I don't wanna be around that. 275 00:12:52,438 --> 00:12:53,898 ♪ 276 00:12:54,399 --> 00:12:58,777 Hey, Connie, why don't you sleep over at my place, just for tonight? 277 00:12:58,778 --> 00:13:01,405 Ha! You mean Bill's place? 278 00:13:01,406 --> 00:13:03,740 We can hang out and celebrate your birthday. 279 00:13:03,741 --> 00:13:06,493 Things are very mellow over there. 280 00:13:06,494 --> 00:13:08,078 Super chill. 281 00:13:08,079 --> 00:13:10,039 And Bobby can come too? 282 00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:15,419 Of course. Because I support your relationship. 283 00:13:15,420 --> 00:13:17,296 Yay! [Laughing] 284 00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:18,630 The more, the merrier! 285 00:13:18,631 --> 00:13:22,009 Hank and Peggy, you can come too, if you'd like. 286 00:13:22,010 --> 00:13:24,177 Do not threaten us, Bill. 287 00:13:24,178 --> 00:13:26,722 - I'm gonna go with Connie. - That's fine. 288 00:13:26,723 --> 00:13:29,142 Why don't you take those sheets with ya? 289 00:13:30,268 --> 00:13:32,269 Wow. Mr. Dauterive, 290 00:13:32,270 --> 00:13:35,230 it looks... not depressing in here. 291 00:13:35,231 --> 00:13:38,483 Oh, that's really kind of you to say. [Chuckles] 292 00:13:38,484 --> 00:13:41,653 Connie, your father has really helped me care again. 293 00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:44,574 Oh! Let me get you some fresh linens and towels. 294 00:13:46,075 --> 00:13:47,701 - Thanks? - [Bill] And I'll get you 295 00:13:47,702 --> 00:13:49,828 one of Lenore's old nightgowns. 296 00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:53,332 [chuckles] If they fit me, they'll fit you. 297 00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:54,750 Not so bad, huh? 298 00:13:54,751 --> 00:13:57,336 And tomorrow, we'll have a nice breakfast. 299 00:13:57,337 --> 00:14:00,005 And then, we can go shopping for birthday supplies. 300 00:14:00,006 --> 00:14:01,423 Cake, balloons. 301 00:14:01,424 --> 00:14:04,551 [yawning] Sounds great, Dad. 302 00:14:04,552 --> 00:14:07,137 We should let the birthday girl get some shut-eye. 303 00:14:07,138 --> 00:14:09,848 And thanks again for bein' so chill 304 00:14:09,849 --> 00:14:12,601 with me and Connie spendin' the night together. 305 00:14:12,602 --> 00:14:14,353 No problem. 306 00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:17,272 [♪ Upbeat guitar music playing] 307 00:14:17,273 --> 00:14:18,690 [birds chirping] 308 00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:20,650 [announcer on TV] Bell's going to second on a beautiful... 309 00:14:20,651 --> 00:14:21,735 See that, Caesar? 310 00:14:21,736 --> 00:14:24,196 That's called a productive out. 311 00:14:24,197 --> 00:14:25,697 - Where's the jewel safe? - [Caesar growling] 312 00:14:25,698 --> 00:14:28,075 [barking and growling] 313 00:14:28,076 --> 00:14:30,411 - Ow! - Good job, Caesar. 314 00:14:31,579 --> 00:14:33,246 - [Caesar continues growling] - [Dale yelling] 315 00:14:33,247 --> 00:14:34,831 - [Hank laughs, sighs] - Hey! Ow! 316 00:14:34,832 --> 00:14:36,416 [Caesar whining] 317 00:14:36,417 --> 00:14:39,127 - Ow. - Gotdangit, Dale. 318 00:14:39,128 --> 00:14:40,921 What are you mad at me for? 319 00:14:40,922 --> 00:14:43,632 Caesar just lost a tooth because of you. 320 00:14:43,633 --> 00:14:45,258 Are you in pain, boy? 321 00:14:45,259 --> 00:14:47,552 - [whimpering] - I think we better take Caesar to the vet. 322 00:14:47,553 --> 00:14:49,304 I will get his car seat! 323 00:14:49,305 --> 00:14:51,014 Hey, man, I'ma here to talk 'bout... 324 00:14:51,015 --> 00:14:53,225 and see if you done heard the dang ol' good news. 325 00:14:53,226 --> 00:14:56,812 Not now, Boomhauer. We'll finish Caesar's training later. 326 00:14:56,813 --> 00:14:58,940 I'm fine, by the way. 327 00:15:00,191 --> 00:15:02,484 - [Bobby yawning] - [Bill] Mornin'! 328 00:15:02,485 --> 00:15:05,821 [chuckles] I made jiggly cakes. 329 00:15:09,117 --> 00:15:11,827 [chuckles] Get 'em while they're jigglin'! 330 00:15:11,828 --> 00:15:13,703 Sorry, there's no time. No time. 331 00:15:13,704 --> 00:15:15,747 I gotta get a giant cake and party supplies 332 00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:19,084 so Connie's wicked mother can see I gave her the best birthday ever. 333 00:15:19,085 --> 00:15:21,545 Ugh! Minute one of my birthday, 334 00:15:21,546 --> 00:15:23,588 and you're already trashing Mom. 335 00:15:23,589 --> 00:15:25,882 Connie, I'm sorry... 336 00:15:25,883 --> 00:15:27,467 that your mother's the devil. 337 00:15:27,468 --> 00:15:30,554 Hey, Mr. Soup, why don't I go with you? 338 00:15:30,555 --> 00:15:31,889 Just us men? 339 00:15:32,807 --> 00:15:35,976 Dad, I think it would be great if you two went together, 340 00:15:35,977 --> 00:15:40,148 since you're so much more chill about our relationship than mom is. 341 00:15:41,357 --> 00:15:43,483 - Cool. - Oh, that's alright. 342 00:15:43,484 --> 00:15:46,903 More cakes for me and the birthday girl. 343 00:15:46,904 --> 00:15:50,449 Connie, I hope you like 'em extra jiggly. 344 00:15:50,450 --> 00:15:52,492 I think you know she does. 345 00:15:52,493 --> 00:15:53,910 - [Connie giggling] - [Kahn growling] 346 00:15:53,911 --> 00:15:57,747 I'm glad we're gettin' to spend some quality time together, 347 00:15:57,748 --> 00:15:59,291 man-to-man. 348 00:15:59,292 --> 00:16:02,377 And not just any men. The two most important men 349 00:16:02,378 --> 00:16:05,130 - in Connie's life. - Ugh. 350 00:16:05,131 --> 00:16:08,925 And, hey, maybe if we get everything done in time, 351 00:16:08,926 --> 00:16:12,846 we could get lunch or play nine holes of golf. 352 00:16:12,847 --> 00:16:14,264 Ten, if ya nasty. 353 00:16:14,265 --> 00:16:15,807 [engine revving] 354 00:16:15,808 --> 00:16:17,268 [hazard lights clicking] 355 00:16:18,436 --> 00:16:20,896 [Kahn crying] 356 00:16:20,897 --> 00:16:22,230 What's wrong? 357 00:16:22,231 --> 00:16:24,859 I hate you, Bobby Hill! 358 00:16:25,818 --> 00:16:26,819 Oh. 359 00:16:27,945 --> 00:16:31,323 I lost my marriage, I'm losing Connie, 360 00:16:31,324 --> 00:16:35,952 I live with Bill, and you're dating my daughter again! 361 00:16:35,953 --> 00:16:38,455 My life is shit! [Sobbing] 362 00:16:38,456 --> 00:16:42,334 There, there. Can I do anything to help? 363 00:16:42,335 --> 00:16:45,587 Open up the door and push me into traffic? 364 00:16:45,588 --> 00:16:47,255 [groaning] 365 00:16:47,256 --> 00:16:49,174 You're bein' such a good boy. 366 00:16:49,175 --> 00:16:51,968 After this, we'll grill you up a nice tri-tip. 367 00:16:51,969 --> 00:16:55,555 Looks like your dog will only be eatin' smoothies from now on. 368 00:16:55,556 --> 00:16:59,226 He's hurt that bad? But how will he get his nutrients? 369 00:16:59,227 --> 00:17:01,978 A growing dog needs all his protein. 370 00:17:01,979 --> 00:17:04,105 This dog's done growin'. 371 00:17:04,106 --> 00:17:08,109 Based on his cloudy eyes, loose skin, and general odor, 372 00:17:08,110 --> 00:17:11,238 - I'd say he's about 10 years old. - [Caesar panting] 373 00:17:11,239 --> 00:17:13,490 - What? - That's impossible. 374 00:17:13,491 --> 00:17:16,034 The rescue shelter told us he was two. 375 00:17:16,035 --> 00:17:19,037 Those rescue places always tell you their dogs are two. 376 00:17:19,038 --> 00:17:20,914 That way, they don't scare you off. 377 00:17:20,915 --> 00:17:23,083 It's like how I tell people "I chose to be a vet," 378 00:17:23,084 --> 00:17:25,211 instead of "I flunked out of med school." 379 00:17:26,629 --> 00:17:29,130 This Vitamix blender is pretty pricey, 380 00:17:29,131 --> 00:17:33,677 but it has a dog mode that can puree a tri-tip in 15 seconds. 381 00:17:33,678 --> 00:17:36,555 Well, it doesn't matter. We're takin' the dog back. 382 00:17:36,556 --> 00:17:39,474 What? But I thought you loved Caesar. 383 00:17:39,475 --> 00:17:41,184 Well, you thought wrong. 384 00:17:41,185 --> 00:17:44,646 I never wanted another dog, especially not this dog. 385 00:17:44,647 --> 00:17:48,024 I just wanted some gotdang toothpaste. 386 00:17:48,025 --> 00:17:51,403 I am so glad you do not have your hearing aids in right now. 387 00:17:51,404 --> 00:17:52,613 ♪ 388 00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:56,533 [Kahn So up ha no us in phone] There aren't enough roses on this cake! 389 00:17:56,534 --> 00:17:59,619 - I asked for 100 roses! - I told you on the phone. 390 00:17:59,620 --> 00:18:02,330 That's too many roses. They won't fit on the cake. 391 00:18:02,331 --> 00:18:05,208 Well, how about if we see if this fits on your face? 392 00:18:05,209 --> 00:18:07,043 - W-What? - Hey, hey, hey. 393 00:18:07,044 --> 00:18:10,005 Mr. S, let's try to calm down. 394 00:18:10,006 --> 00:18:13,133 I can't calm down! I haven't even gotten Connie a gift yet. 395 00:18:13,134 --> 00:18:15,844 That's okay, we got plenty of time. 396 00:18:15,845 --> 00:18:18,221 So, what were you thinkin' of gettin' her? 397 00:18:18,222 --> 00:18:20,599 Uh... gift card? 398 00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:23,436 Okay. A gift card to where? 399 00:18:24,562 --> 00:18:27,522 [sobbing] 400 00:18:27,523 --> 00:18:29,858 I don't know! I suck! 401 00:18:29,859 --> 00:18:31,109 What did you get her? 402 00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:33,737 Oh, well, I got her a nice, simple necklace 403 00:18:33,738 --> 00:18:35,947 with her birthstone, citrine. 404 00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:39,075 Thank God she wasn't born in April! [Laughing] 405 00:18:39,076 --> 00:18:41,661 Or I'd have had to get her a diamond. 406 00:18:41,662 --> 00:18:44,164 Oh, that's a great idea. 407 00:18:44,165 --> 00:18:47,626 If I got Connie a diamond, it would make Minh look cheap. 408 00:18:47,627 --> 00:18:50,712 [groaning] Can I give you some advice? 409 00:18:50,713 --> 00:18:53,423 All Connie really wants is for you and Minh 410 00:18:53,424 --> 00:18:55,842 to stop fighting, for one day. 411 00:18:55,843 --> 00:18:58,261 No name calling, no mind games, 412 00:18:58,262 --> 00:19:00,930 no asking Connie to hack into Minh's email 413 00:19:00,931 --> 00:19:03,600 to see if she signed up for dating sites. 414 00:19:03,601 --> 00:19:06,728 I didn't ask her to hack, I just asked her to snoop. 415 00:19:06,729 --> 00:19:08,647 Maybe, just for Connie's birthday, 416 00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:11,400 you could suck it up and be nice to Minh! 417 00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:13,652 This is a new low. 418 00:19:13,653 --> 00:19:15,737 I'm getting schooled by Bobby Hill. 419 00:19:15,738 --> 00:19:17,657 ♪ 420 00:19:19,116 --> 00:19:20,867 - [game playing on TV] - Where is Caesar? 421 00:19:20,868 --> 00:19:24,037 I don't know. Probably somewhere having a panic attack 422 00:19:24,038 --> 00:19:25,705 because he saw a squirrel. 423 00:19:25,706 --> 00:19:29,584 Well, I just wanted to tell you, the rescue agency called, 424 00:19:29,585 --> 00:19:32,837 and there's another family who's interested in adopting Caesar. 425 00:19:32,838 --> 00:19:35,715 - They will be here by tomorrow. - Good. 426 00:19:35,716 --> 00:19:37,634 [announcer on TV] Martinez, who came in... 427 00:19:37,635 --> 00:19:39,844 - [Caesar growling] - Dang it, Caesar. 428 00:19:39,845 --> 00:19:42,430 Whatever that is, you're probably allergic to it. 429 00:19:42,431 --> 00:19:43,682 [growling] 430 00:19:43,683 --> 00:19:46,017 - Huh. Where'd you find that, boy? - [Caesar panting] 431 00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:48,144 Haven't seen it in years. 432 00:19:48,145 --> 00:19:49,854 That used to belong to... 433 00:19:49,855 --> 00:19:51,940 [♪ gentle guitar music playing] 434 00:19:51,941 --> 00:19:54,818 [sighs] Wanna go for a walk? 435 00:19:54,819 --> 00:19:56,194 [Caesar barking] 436 00:19:56,195 --> 00:19:58,197 ♪ 437 00:20:00,408 --> 00:20:02,784 Caesar, this is Lady Bird. 438 00:20:02,785 --> 00:20:05,245 Lady Bird, Caesar. 439 00:20:05,246 --> 00:20:07,831 Pretend he's named after César Cedeño, 440 00:20:07,832 --> 00:20:10,458 the four-time Houston Astros all-star, 441 00:20:10,459 --> 00:20:13,128 and not a salad. 442 00:20:13,129 --> 00:20:14,755 Caesar brought you somethin'. 443 00:20:16,424 --> 00:20:19,260 - [Caesar tapping, whining] - Okay, one second. 444 00:20:20,177 --> 00:20:21,428 Alright, there ya go. 445 00:20:21,429 --> 00:20:23,012 You can go play, boy. 446 00:20:23,013 --> 00:20:24,764 [Caesar barking] 447 00:20:24,765 --> 00:20:26,516 I wanted to introduce the two of you. 448 00:20:26,517 --> 00:20:28,810 See, we just found out 449 00:20:28,811 --> 00:20:31,521 that Caesar's only got a few years left in him. 450 00:20:31,522 --> 00:20:34,232 It's not that I don't wanna take care of an old dog. 451 00:20:34,233 --> 00:20:37,444 It's just, when we lost you, well... [sighs] 452 00:20:37,445 --> 00:20:40,071 I'm not sure I'm ready to go through somethin' like that again. 453 00:20:40,072 --> 00:20:43,116 I mean, no dog could replace you. 454 00:20:43,117 --> 00:20:44,743 Peggy seems to like him though, and... 455 00:20:44,744 --> 00:20:47,245 - [Caesar barking] - Well, he's startin' to grow on me too. 456 00:20:47,246 --> 00:20:49,956 But it didn't feel right havin' him join the family 457 00:20:49,957 --> 00:20:51,708 without talkin' to you first. 458 00:20:51,709 --> 00:20:55,378 So, if you're okay with us keeping Caesar, 459 00:20:55,379 --> 00:20:57,756 don't come back to life. 460 00:20:57,757 --> 00:20:59,341 [birds chirping] 461 00:21:00,050 --> 00:21:01,885 Well, it's settled then. 462 00:21:01,886 --> 00:21:03,803 [chuckles] Hey, get this. 463 00:21:03,804 --> 00:21:06,264 He bit Dale. [Laughing] 464 00:21:06,265 --> 00:21:10,143 Dale was screamin' like... well, you know, like Dale. 465 00:21:10,144 --> 00:21:12,896 And, well, now I'm just prattling on. 466 00:21:12,897 --> 00:21:15,440 - [Caesar barking] - Excuse me. 467 00:21:15,441 --> 00:21:17,776 Those aren't Jehovah's Witnesses, Caesar! 468 00:21:17,777 --> 00:21:20,404 They're just men wearing suits! 469 00:21:21,405 --> 00:21:23,406 Alright, here we go. 470 00:21:23,407 --> 00:21:26,618 Dinner number one for the birthday girl. 471 00:21:26,619 --> 00:21:29,412 - Who's excited? - You're being very sweet, 472 00:21:29,413 --> 00:21:31,873 but I'm not looking forward to this. 473 00:21:31,874 --> 00:21:35,044 Neither am I. Your dad was a mess today. 474 00:21:36,629 --> 00:21:38,296 - Happy birthday! - Happy birthday! 475 00:21:38,297 --> 00:21:40,590 What are you both doing here? 476 00:21:40,591 --> 00:21:43,051 I called your mother and invited her. 477 00:21:43,052 --> 00:21:46,262 He didn't invite me. He begged me to come. 478 00:21:46,263 --> 00:21:49,849 He also admitted he was a disappointment our entire marriage. 479 00:21:49,850 --> 00:21:50,893 I... 480 00:21:51,602 --> 00:21:53,354 [♪ gentle guitar music plays] 481 00:21:54,063 --> 00:21:56,606 Yes. Those are the things I said. 482 00:21:56,607 --> 00:21:58,775 Well, I'm glad. 483 00:21:58,776 --> 00:22:01,820 Should we start with an appetizer or two? 484 00:22:01,821 --> 00:22:03,530 After all, it's a special... 485 00:22:03,531 --> 00:22:06,032 We already ordered. We got the whole menu. 486 00:22:06,033 --> 00:22:07,451 You're treating, right? 487 00:22:09,495 --> 00:22:10,579 Indeed. 488 00:22:11,497 --> 00:22:13,248 Don't eat it all, Bobby Hill. 489 00:22:13,249 --> 00:22:15,375 Save some for the rest of us. 490 00:22:15,376 --> 00:22:17,836 [both laughing] 491 00:22:17,837 --> 00:22:20,256 Oh, Connie, I got you a birthday present. 492 00:22:22,007 --> 00:22:25,051 It's your stone of birth, orange rock. 493 00:22:25,052 --> 00:22:27,637 [growling] It's called citrine. 494 00:22:27,638 --> 00:22:31,891 Oh, Dad, this is so thoughtful. Thank you so much. 495 00:22:31,892 --> 00:22:34,978 I'd do anything for my precious angel. 496 00:22:34,979 --> 00:22:38,565 Actually, it's from your mother, too. We love you. 497 00:22:38,566 --> 00:22:41,359 Bobby, what did you get for Connie? 498 00:22:41,360 --> 00:22:45,864 Um, I got her, um, uh... 499 00:22:45,865 --> 00:22:48,074 this song. [Clearing throat] 500 00:22:48,075 --> 00:22:51,578 ♪ Connie is my fire ♪ 501 00:22:51,579 --> 00:22:55,081 ♪ My one desire ♪ 502 00:22:55,082 --> 00:22:58,543 ♪ Believe when I say ♪ 503 00:22:58,544 --> 00:23:02,589 ♪ That it's Connie's birthday ♪ 504 00:23:02,590 --> 00:23:07,468 ♪ Connie's birthday, ain't nothin' but a birthday ♪ 505 00:23:07,469 --> 00:23:11,472 ♪ I never wanna hear you say that it's not ♪ 506 00:23:11,473 --> 00:23:14,559 - [Connie giggles] - ♪ Connie's birthday ♪ 507 00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:19,148 ♪ Because it's Connie's birthday ♪ 508 00:23:20,649 --> 00:23:22,442 - [diners] Oh! - [laughter and applause] 509 00:23:22,443 --> 00:23:24,861 - Mwah! - [Connie giggles] 510 00:23:24,862 --> 00:23:26,905 Happy birthday, baby. 511 00:23:26,906 --> 00:23:30,199 That was the worst song I've ever heard. 512 00:23:30,200 --> 00:23:33,286 Connie deserves better than a song-and-dance man. 513 00:23:33,287 --> 00:23:36,789 She called me a man! I am back. 514 00:23:36,790 --> 00:23:39,542 I know the birthstone was your idea. 515 00:23:39,543 --> 00:23:43,421 What do you mean? That was 100% your dad. 516 00:23:43,422 --> 00:23:46,549 Bobby, last week, you left your computer open to a search 517 00:23:46,550 --> 00:23:50,762 that said, "November birthstone necklace. How much cost?" 518 00:23:50,763 --> 00:23:52,597 Mm. [Kissing] 519 00:23:52,598 --> 00:23:54,391 Thank you for everything. 520 00:23:55,225 --> 00:23:56,309 [server] Here you are. 521 00:23:56,310 --> 00:23:57,936 [laughing] 522 00:23:57,937 --> 00:24:00,688 I ordered lobster and I don't even like it. 523 00:24:00,689 --> 00:24:02,691 [continue laughing] 524 00:24:03,817 --> 00:24:07,071 [♪ Bluegrass version of "Yahoos and Triangles" playing] 525 00:24:22,461 --> 00:24:25,381 - ♪ Yee-haw! ♪ - ♪ Wa-hoo! ♪ 526 00:24:43,440 --> 00:24:44,524 [♪ Song ends] 527 00:24:44,525 --> 00:24:45,608 [birds chirping] 528 00:24:45,609 --> 00:24:47,527 - [golf club thumps] - [crowd cheering] 529 00:24:47,528 --> 00:24:49,570 ♪ 530 00:24:49,571 --> 00:24:52,491 - [Dale] Hank's dog is a vegetable! - [Boomhauer] Mm-hmm.